Case Study
Case Study
Because of confidentiality I am unable to share the details of sessions of the people I work with. The following is a blending of situations from various clients over the years to give you a feel for how I work.
Pursuing Your Dreams
Sarah- Part 1
Sarah was in her mid-forties. She was a married woman with two teen-age girls. She came to me because she was unhappy and frustrated that she wasn’t pursuing her dream of being an artist. Her goals were to stop procrastinating on her painting, to get more sleep, to develop more confidence and to let go of the painful events from childhood she felt were holding her back.
Oftentimes people don’t have the clarity that Sarah had—many times people have a strong desire to pursue their purpose, but they don’t know what this purpose is. So Sarah was off to a good start because she had enough of a connection with her authentic self to know what she wanted to do- what she was passionate about. Her frustration was that even though she knew what her passion was--she was not taking action to pursue it and she didn’t know why. She just kept getting angry at herself each time she didn’t follow through with a plan to paint.
The first thing we did was look at making the unconscious conscious. There were some unconscious beliefs---meaning beliefs that she wasn’t aware of that were holding her back from taking action. We used the method of Inner Bonding dialoguing to get to the bottom of what these beliefs and fears were.
The first part of the Inner Bonding process is to step out of judging herself for her procrastination and move into curiosity with herself about it instead. She would learn more from being in a state of curiosity than from being in judgment with herself. She then asked this procrastinating part of her why she was procrastinating. This part of her replied that in her family women were supposed to care for and support others—not pursue their own interests. This part of her thought it was selfish and wrong to want something for yourself.
Sarah then was encouraged to connect with a very loving part of herself---her own inner Loving adult---the part of her that was able to be so loving with her daughters. From this part of her I asked her to respond to this part of her that felt it was wrong to pursue something for herself. She said “Honey I know that is what you learned when you were growing up but it is not true. It is OK to pursue your own dreams and something just for yourself. It actually will make you happier and you in turn will be more loving and supportive to those around you.”
This was true---because she wasn’t pursuing her dream she found herself being irritable with those around her. This was upsetting to her because she remembers her own Mothers irritability and how stressful that was for her when she was a child. She was able to see that the family belief- that women should only support others was a limiting belief both to herself and to her Mother. This belief had caused her Mother and the generations before her lots of pain and left a lot of dreams unlived. Sarah was unwilling to follow this family pattern.
What she did was bring in the truth to this procrastinating part of her---the part of her that held the limiting belief that she should only support others. She lovingly talked to this part of her---encouraging this part that it was OK to pursue her dream of painting and it was actually a really good thing to do. She consistently gave herself this message and eventually the procrastination subsided. She was able to then paint consistently and felt finally like she was unstuck and moving forward.
Getting unstuck helped her also move forward in the other areas she had identified at the start of counseling. She was able to use the same dialoguing process as well as the breathwork process to also heal her painful childhood experiences. She felt lighter and freer than she had in years. She was able to sleep more easily at night and felt more confident and sure of who she was. She stopped being irritable with those around her and her family was happy to see her peaceful and fulfilled---giving her kids a different experience than she had growing up.